A Bunch Of Random Stuff

The great people at Mission To Ukraine (MTU) asked me to help get donations to fill a trailer to send to Zhytomyr. They have given me until September of this year. After a second pilgrimage to MTU last July, I was honored to do whatever I could do to help support this amazing organization.

I had a year... a whole year. I badgered (lovingly) folks that I know to ask for donations after Christmas, when people are usually purging old stuff for new. I asked the folks who construct the "Journey" weekly email to put blurbs in occasionally regarding donations. I sent almost 30 letters to local churches, asking for donations... I feel that this last effort was a waste of time and money, as I sent these letters over 4 months ago and have yet to hear from one single church. (This is tremendously disappointing.) I feel kind of like a failure, in that I have only managed to acquire enough donations to fill almost 1/4 of my trailer.

I am being faced with several challenges lately. Donations for Ukraine is just one of these challenges. Above the normal financial and spiritual challenges, I am facing some challenges with folks that I know at work and church. I have been trying to put challenges with people on the back burner. Tonight I realized that I may not be able to put other peoples ignorances and comments aside any longer. I want to take the higher road... Act like the "grown-up" in these situations, but I am having a really hard time of this.

There was a time when I could lose my temper at the drop of a hat. I am happy to say that I have definitely done some growing in the past 5 or 6 years, and I have adopted the "I'm a lover, not a fighter" mentality.

Tonight someone challenged the morals of a friend of mine. Since she is a tough-ass, she held her own and made her point with grace. When I was challenged with a decision that I made for spiritual reasons, I was told that my reasoning was stupid. I further explained that my spiritual reason was also a personal mission of sacrifice... This was supposedly an okay excuse. This person is not someone that I consider a friend. Even further, this person challenges me on one thing or another as often as possible. I truly believe that this person gets some kind of twisted satisfaction out of upsetting me. This really hurts my feelings.

I realize that I can't be friends with everyone. I really don't find it necessary to be friends with everyone. I have come to discover that I can't possibly get along with everyone, and that's okay. I am totally okay with this fact. I just want to know that if we are not going to be friends, that we can be civil to each other and not treat each other like crap. Not challenge every single thing that comes out of the other's mouth. Treat each other with an iota of respect. I don't think that this is asking too much.

I hate my job. I mean, I really REALLY hate my job. I have been having dreams about quitting... the physical act of writing my resignation letter, handing it to my boss and watching him scurry over to my manger's office to complain about how he will have to train someone new to take my place. I have dreamt of packing my little copier paper box with the belongings that I have acquired over the past few years. I have thought of what to do with the giant plant that is on my desk, which was left for me when a prior co-worker left. I swore that I would take care of it, and I have kept my promise. I can actually picture my last day of work. I will either sleep in and not show up at all, or bring cupcakes. I haven't decided yet. I will probably bring cupcakes, because I don't want to disrespect my bosses by not showing up. It hasn't always been a bad place to work... it's actually not a bad place to work. I think that I am becoming more and more aware that my time at these jobs is coming to an end. This is great. I am developing a plan for the next few years of my life. Knowing what lies ahead for me, knowing that I get to "get out of Dodge", keeps me upbeat.

I have started to re-evaluate every single relationship that I have with every single person that I know. THIS is mentally and emotionally exhausting. I have spent the past 3 years of my life cleaning out my friendship closet. The folks that have only negative things to say, or the people who consistently make me feel bad about myself. This was one of the smartest things that I have ever done. I have become a stronger person for this. At first, I felt really bad about doing this. It didn't happen overnight. Last week, one of these people made an attempt to get back in with me. I am not sure of how I feel about this yet. I don't really know what to do with her. She and I have made plans to meet for dinner, which I will follow through with. But at the same time, I almost wish that I didn't have to meet with her.

Today, I asked my boss at my part time job if we could stop using products made by Nestle. I want to do my part to end the slave labor that tends to go hand-in-hand with Nestle products, especially chocolate. At first, my co-workers made light of the subject. I was then told that they didn't care about slave labor in other countries. I tried to explain that children were being forced into labor assignments for little pay and food, are often malnourished, beaten, or killed due to the aggressions of those in charge. These situations were compared to having a kid do chores. This made me physically ill, and I was very close to walking out on my job and never going back. The ignorance of Americans is amazing. I like to call it the Ostrich Theory. "If I can't see it, it doesn't exist."

Friends are the Bacon Bits in the Salad Bowl of Life

I woke up in a super-mushy mood this morning. I must need a hug or something.

"A new friendship is like an unripened fruit - it may become either an orange or a lemon"~Emma Stacey

"The death of a friend is equivalent to the loss of a limb."~German Proverb

"Even if we never talk again after tonight, please remember that I am forever changed by who you are and what you meant to me"~Chasing Amy (movie)

"It is better to be in chains with friends , than to be in a garden with strangers."~Persian Proverb

"When you're standing at the crossroads And don't know which path to choose, Let me come along cause even if you're wrong I'll stand by you" ~The Pretenders

"Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from your friend's forehead."~Chinese Proverb

"I never had better friends than the friends I had when I was twelve. Jesus, does anyone?" ~Stand By Me (movie)

"Friends are the siblings God forgot to give us."~Unknown

Let me tell you about my work friend. When she came to work in my department (that I have since left), we got to be really good friends, really fast. It was kind of crazy. You know how everyone has that one friend (or in my case three) that they can be mean to, or call names, or basically abuse? This girl is/was one of those friends. We used to get together once a week for dinner, we would talk and laugh and cause trouble. It was so fun, and by far the highlight of my week. There was a time when we both let our guard down, and evil (yes, evil) came around and manipulated us. We were both mortified and humiliated, and basically gave each other about two years of space to recover from this.

It's been a long two years, but not that long. She has since gotten married to this really great guy and had a beautiful baby girl. I had been in a really great relationship, and have found the path that God wants me to take. It's kind of amazing what kind of growth a person experiences in two years. We have reconnected recently. And I find myself in awe of what an amazing woman she has become. She has gone from an angry, frustrated girl to a strong, loving woman who is determined that she is going to have a good life for herself and her daughter. I really admire this about her.

Side note: It's funny how you see the people around you achieving things that you thought you once wanted... I wonder if I would do marriage and kids with this much grace. I have a hard time sitting still, and I am not sure that I wouldn't get bored. Of course, marriage and kids are what I wanted when I thought that I was going to be in a relationship where marriage and kids were inevitable. Now... eh.

Another good friend of mine is moving away tomorrow. She got this really great job, and I don't think that I realized how much I was going to miss her until we started making dinner plans for tonight.

Anyhow, I just wanted to give thanks for my friends today... new and old. You guys have been there for me a lot in the past few months. I wanted you to know that I love you, and that I thank God for you everyday.

Settin' Goals

After some frustration, complaining, sleepless nights, wondering, self-annoyance, and general avoidance of the subject... I have set some goals. Again!!

1) I have until August 31st to decide what organization to go with for future travels. Since the Chab Dai thing is looking kind of sketchy, I am planning to research as many organizations as possible. If I can't find anything promising in South East Asia, I am going to go with OasisUK, and hopefully be placed in India, Bengaladesh, or Africa... and THEN plan to work in South East Asia at a later time. I just think that this is the most logical thing to do right now, for the sake of my sanity.

2) I have between September 1st through December 31st to fill out applications, submit resumes, build up some cash to put in the Bank of Bayless toward my trip to London (or wherever) for training.

3) I need to get my butt off of the couch and go running or whatever. I need a workout buddy. My apartment has a small, crappy gym... but I think that I might invest in that $10/month gym since there is one close to my apartment.

4) I want to make a hardcore attempt at a 5K next year, hopefully the one close to Cedar Point so that I can crash the trip. I haven't been on a roller coaster in about 10 years, and that is just wrong. This will be the motivation, before I leave to go to a country where there is a chance that they have never heard of a roller coaster.

5) Because I don't have nearly enough to do (chuckle-snort), I want to get involved with the middle school night at Evergreen, at least once or twice a month. They don't have enough adult estrogen there, which bothers me.

6) I need to take an entire day and clean my bedroom. This will include getting rid of all of the Ukraine stuff crammed into the corner. Going through the dirty clothes, and actually washing them. Going through the clean pile of clothes that lives on my floor and putting them in a place where I can't see them or trip over them. Putting shoes in the closet. Vacuuming and steam cleaning the carpet. I may have to take a day off of work for this.

7) I want to save about $1000 by this time next year toward my trip. It doesn't sound like a lot, but it's a ton of money to me. Bank of Bayless, here I come.

8) Purge, purge, purge... I need to get rid of stuff that I have been stashing away that I never use. Example: I have 2 computers in my bedroom closet. One of them works. Why do I have them if only one of them works?? Excellent question. They are heavy and awkward and I haven't had the determination or desire to drag them out to get rid of them, and I am not sure of what to do with them.

9) I have several knitting projects that I have started and haven't finished. Two of these are for babies that will be born in the next month or two. So, yeah... I need to get these done.

10) I need to visit my family in Florida. I haven't been to visit since Thanksgiving, and I am completely missing my niece growing up. Here is a picture of her on the swings.

11) I want to get more involved with my covenant group. We have been kind of slack, but I think that we are now trying to get on the ball with sticking with some goal setting and accountability. Yay for us.

Oh... The Cookies of Deliciousness!!

Okay, I have perfected the Vegan Chocolate Chip Cookie recipe:

1 cup vegan margarine

1 cup brown sugar

Equivalent to 1 egg of vegan egg replacement (I used Ener-G Egg Replacement)

2 tsp. pure vanilla extract

~~beat until well mixed

THEN:

1 tsp. baking soda

1/4 tsp. salt

2 cups unbleached flour

~~mix to the above wet ingredients

THEN:

12 oz. vegan semi-sweet chocolate chips (Ghiradelli or Trader Joe's)

1 to 1 1/4 cups sweetened (by cane juice) coconut flakes or shavings (I bought the Kroger brand)

~~fold into the batter (try to not eat the batter, as it is super tasty)

Bake at 350 degrees for about 10 minutes, or until the tops are just browning (or however you like your cookies)

This makes about 3 dozen, good sized cookies.

Vegans everywhere will love you for making these.

If you decide to toast your coconut, let me know how it comes out... that is my next project.

P.S. They probably won't look like the picture. I just stole that picture from the internet to get you excited. Did it work??

They Took The Words Right Out Of My Mouth

"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." ~Edmund Burke


I am reading this really interesting book called Good News About Injustice, by Gary Haugen. In case you are not aware of who Gary Haugen is, he is the guy who founded International Justice Mission. I highly recommend that if you have any interest, whatsoever, in any kind of humanitarian acts that you check out the website http://www.ijm.org/. IJM does amazing work all over the world. I got into bed about 20 minutes ago, to read. This book talks about the different ways that Christians get involved with humanitarian activism. I read this passage, and hopped out of bed to blog it before the excitement wore off.

The battle for justice in the world is not fought where we think it is. The struggle against injustice is not fought on the battlefield of power or truth or even righteousness. There are pitched battles waged on these ramparts, but the war is ultimately won or lost on a more forward front. In the end the battle against oppression stands or falls on the battlefield of hope.

No one knows this better than the oppressors. They know that they never have enough power, lies or loyalty to withstand the onslaught of even a fraction of the power, truth, and courage that humanity could at any minute amass against them. Therefore they rely on, utterly depend on, the inaction of despair. They know full well that that their preeminence depends on most people in their community, their nation and their world doing nothing.

The oppressor knows that the primary reason we do nothing is because we have lost any hope of making a difference. It is not that we lack power, compassion, courage or knowledge. Rather, we lack a sense of hope that allows us to take what we have into the fray. By sheer inertia, therefore, we lend our own weight to the downward cycle of despair. Our lack of hope keeps us from the front lines of engagement. And our absence only makes the oppressor look stronger, compounding our despair and that of those who might otherwise be prepared to fight.

(Deep sigh) I am relieved to have found this in print somewhere, as these are the thoughts that I have kept in my head but have been unable to express. Oppression is everywhere. It lurks around every dark corner. It's a disease that seemingly has no cure. Humanitarian organizations all over the world are attempting to crush this despair that the world has built up. Good people, amazing people are making hardcore attempts everyday to seize, rescue, educate, and guide those left in despair. I am so proud to want to be one of these people... but at the same time, feel helpless in the place that I am. I so desperately want to be involved, to "save the world" as a good friend recently told me that I would be doing.

From Raleigh, North Carolina, I feel that there is not much that I can do except make others aware of what I am learning everyday. I hope that others find themselves as appalled as I do and want to get involved. There is so much to do. There are so many people that need our help. Look at what we have as Americans. Look at the luxuries that we have been given, just by chance. We could have easily been born in any other part of the world. We could have easily been born in India, and been sold to a brothel at the age of 8 or 10. We could have been born in Bengladesh, and have to worry about extreme poverty. We could have been born in the Sudan, and have to deal with consistent war.

We have everything. We have "the world" at our fingertips. Put yourself in the shoes of citizens of these countries. Realize how lucky you are. Ask God why He chose you to live in such amazing conditions. Thank Him for this privilege.