God vs. My Brain

Your sons and daughters will be given to another nation, and you will wear out your eyes watching for them day after day, powerless to lift a hand.
-Deuteronomy 28:32

I think that I am growing. I was kind of hoping for height, but God has other plans for me. I am beginning to feel spiritual growth on a daily basis. Yeah, I have noticed it before. Maybe I wasn't as susceptible to accept this change in my mind and in my heart. I think that God wants me to grow. He wants me to get "it" together, and (possibly) do His work.

I have become very passionate about the Anti-Human Trafficing Movement that is going on in countries around the world. An estimated 17,000 people are trafficked into the U.S. each year for forced labor and/or sex. A case of a woman in Houston, Texas was trafficing women into the country to work in cantinas, bars, and restaurants. When caught, she was sentenced to 7 years in prison and forced to (jointly with others involved) pay $1.1 million. The co-defendants in this case were sentenced to 19 months in prison, and to jointly pay the $1.1 million. C'mon, really?? They have confiscated human life and sold it outright, and they get a fine?? This makes me sick.

Project Respect argues that the demand for trafficed women in Australia is fueled by: 1) a lack of women in Australia prepared to do prostitution; 2) 'customer' demand for women seen as compliant; 3) 'customer' demand for women who they can be violent towards; and 4) racialized ideas that Asian women have certain qualities, for example that they are more compliant and will accept higher levels of violence. (supplied by humantrafficing.org)

I worry about the effectiveness that I would have on this cause.... Okay, I worry about how working for this cause everyday would effect me. Not only mentally, but spiritually as well. I worry about this because I feel that I have grown spiritually so much in the past few years, and yet I still see things as being black and white. I see things through the eyes of a child.

I still have issues with wondering where God was when I was a child. I still ask myself the same question; the same first-grader state of mind question.... God, why do you let bad things happen to good people? I have asked several friends to answer this question for me. I have valued each of their opinions, but have found no comfort in their answers.

In dealing with this question, over and over again in my head, I wonder if God is leaving our salvation up to us. I am not able to come to a comfortable place in my heart when I start to think about this.

The salvation of the righteous comes from the LORD; he is their stronghold in time of trouble.

-Psalm 37:39

The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.-Psalm 18:2

I am in pain and distress; may your salvation, O God, protect me-Psalm 69:29

I know that God is out there, checking us all out. Loving us. Wanting what is best for us. Supporting us. Helping us to grow into His followers. Forgiving past experiences. Righting wrongs. Hearing our cries for help and embracing our praises. While I know that my journey in spiritual growth is inevitable, I am struggling with this issue. I have tried to let go and just "accept" it, but I am not able to do this.

“You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”- Romans 5:6-8