Can You Feel The Burn??

Last night I was put on the spot. "The spot" is not a place that I am comfortable in, as I think that I feel like its a confrontation type of thing.

Last night Evergreen showed my film (not MY film, but a film that shows a view of women being trafficked), and I had to sit in front of a bunch of people... luckily, most of which I knew and explain my passion for the Trafficing cause. For the first 10 minutes I thought that I was going to throw up. But, I made it through and was completely satisfied with the results.

Today I feel the burn. Even though I had a really hard time getting out of bed this morning, as I have not been feeling well this week... I am feeling this complete rejuvenation of my cause. I feel like I am making an incredible move forward in my life. I have felt this before, but I think that having shared my purpose in a "public" way has shown me that what I am choosing to do is, in fact, an incredible act.

After the film, a friend came to me to thank me for going to India. She thanked me. I thought of this as I was trying to fall asleep last night and it brought me to tears.

So, now I am trying to push any negativity toward this trip aside. My family is not being supportive at all. I just have to keep saying "I'm going... I'm going."

I have been having crazy nightmares lately. Last night I had a dream about my return from India. I was sitting in this spot. At my desk at work. Trying to blog about future endeavors. This is not a place that I want to be again. I don't want to 'dream' about what I am going to do. I want to actually do it. When I got in touch with someone from Oasis the other day I asked her if anyone had ever done back to back assignments. She said that people have done this, but it was pretty rare. The folks who do this change assignments, since there are so many different projects that need help. I am pretty sure that this is what I want to do with the rest of my life. I just can't see myself coming back to the States after two years and sitting behind a desk. I think that I would consider this my idea of hell.

I have decided that during the hiatus that I will inevitably have to take that I want to see the world. There is so much of it out there that is so incredible. I want to visit my friends in Zhytomyr and tell them of my cause in India. I want to go to the Berlin Wall. I want to see actual kangaroos and koala bears in Australia. I want to walk on the Great Wall of China. I want to pray with monks in Nepal. I want to fight the Red Light District in Thailand. I want to save at least one girl from being sold into a brothel in Laos. I want to fight for the rights of migrant workers who are making $0.40 a week in Burma. I want to educate others. I want others to want to educate themselves of what is going on beyond what Fox News or CNN is showing them in their comfortable living rooms with their cable TV and air conditioning. I want to get my hands dirty. I dream about how great it will be to physically be in the midst and excitement of a rescue. I yearn to help someone put their life together, to become self-sufficient.

I am looking for the spiritual experience of all of these adventures. A good friend told me that I am going because I am looking for something. So what?? Yes, I am looking for something. I am looking for that part of me that I lost in my youth. I am trying to find that part of me that I have been ignoring for so many years that I am not sure if I will recognize it when I find it.