She Shoots.... She Scores??

I'm great in a crisis... okay, not any crisis that affects me. But I am fantastic when other's are experiencing despair. I have a tendency to take charge, and plunge forward to try to find that end result that will calm and satisfy everyone involved.

I also love helping others achieve their goals. Lately, I have been badgering (lovingly) someone very close to me to get to her personal/professional goal. I think that I am starting to bug the crap out of her, but she is too sweet to tell me. We are spending a lot of time together... we are finishing each other's sentences and picking up each other's mannerisms. I am having a field day with this "project". Plus, she is super fun to hang out with and I have truly been enjoying myself and I am good at this stuff. I can't remember the last time that I had this much fun... but, I have been using this experience to avoid my own stuff.

Yesterday, I got called on the avoidance that I thought that I was becoming so good at. I have been challenged to make my own list of goals. I have never made a list of goals for anything in my life. So, I am a little intimidated by this.

Let me first premise this by saying that I have never successfully "finished" anything in my life. I know that this must be shocking (I am totally being sarcastic here), but yes... I am a non-finisher. When I "clean" my apartment, I merely make piles of things and never actually put them away, hoping that it looks presentable when people come over. I have been enrolled in 4 colleges... FOUR!!!! I have no degree from any of these schools.

I take on projects because there is always an end to them. The goal is always achieved, and I can take some satisfaction from knowing that I had a part in this... Hence, my involvement with the badgering (lovingly) of my friend toward her goal. I would love nothing more than to see her succeed. This would be plenty for me to feel content, knowing that I had a part in her success and happiness.

So, then I have my stuff.... yeah. It's out there, just waiting for me to get to it. In limbo. There it is. I am trying to best describe this to you...

Okay...It's like the Lincoln Tunnel in New York. The Lincoln Tunnel is 8,216 feet long and connects Manhattan's West 38th Street to Weehawken, New Jersey and was constructed under the Hudson River. So, you enter the tunnel in Manhattan, its big and dark, and you know that you are going to be going under several thousand tons of water. This is not fun for clausterphobes at all. So, you are driving and driving, and you can't see the end of the tunnel, because it's on the other side of a really gross, dirty river. But, you know that the end is there, because how else are you going to get to New Jersey without getting onto I-95?? (This really does make sense if you are from, or have ever been to, the north, because taking 95 in New York is a massive pain in the butt.) So, you know that the end of the tunnel is coming, but it's super dark in there and you are completely surrounded by aggressive drivers, all wanting to go to New Jersey, for some reason. Here's the thing. If there is an accident in the tunnel, you are stuck there, under a tons of water and concrete. Feeling trapped. I have experienced this, and it sucks. All that is around you is aggressive New York drivers, attitude, confusion, darkness illuminated by headlights and an occasional street light, and the unknown of when you may be able to get out of the stupid tunnel.
So, they clean up the accident and the traffic clears up some, but you are only half-way through the tunnel. You still have about 4,000 feet of tunnel to go. You keep waiting for the light of day, knowing that you should have your sunglasses ready at any moment. Then, there is another delay. Aww, crap. I am still in the tunnel. This is how I feel about making goals. I know that I have to get to the other side of the tunnel, but I have to accept that I am going to be sitting in traffic, under hundreds of thousands of tons of water and concrete. Basically, if I get stuck, I am screwed.

Yes, my friends... I realize that this is fear.

So, I have been praying to ask God to help me find my light at the end of the Lincoln Tunnel. I don't want to be stuck in traffic forever. So, I have decided to blog my goals.

1) Contact my sister's friend, who works with an international/humanitarian organization
~~check, I emailed her last night
2) Research the best way to get involved with IJM, Heart of God, Oasis India or other international missions.
3) Try to open a line of discussion with these folks to find out what their perspective on embracing the religious beliefs of other cultures vs. preaching Jesus.... is this done??
4) Save some cash to visit Michelle in Mumbai, possibly this winter or next spring.
5) Prayer for clarity, strength, love, hope, support of those around me.

Thanks for the push, little EB. Will be asking big EB to help too.