I got about 11 1/2 hours of sleep on Saturday night... and in response to that my body/brain decided that I didn't need more than about 1 1/2 hours last night. Yay me!! So, I decided that while I was up at 2am that I would blog. However, the computer that my roommate set up for me to use decided that the letter "O" and the number "7" were not going to work, at all. I thought it would be funny to write an entire blog without the letter "O". Except, I couldn't sign into anything without the letter "O" or the number "7". Bummer.
I have this friend at my part time job that I talk to about completely asinine, and sometimes deep, things. She likes to ask me questions like "If I had a superpower, what would it be??" or "What kind of tree am I??" Naturally, I would fly and be a weeping willow. Whereas, her superpower would be that she would be able to transfer her pee to others so that she would never have to pee again or hold it for extraordinarily long periods of time so that it wouldn't inconvenience her to stop at the bathroom while she is busy. She is pretty smart.
During one of these discussions we started comparing ourselves to others around us (yes, we know that this was not a bright thing to do). We both realized that we are watching those closest to us follow their dreams and wonder what the hell we have been doing with ourselves. This is more traumatic to me, since I have about 10 years on this girl.
So, I have these amazing friends who are all following their dreams... and seem to have always had their heads on straight or known what direction they have wanted to go in. I think that this is amazing and am completely in awe of these folks. One friend is, basically, a genius who globe trots doing a job that she loves. One friend knows that she is meant to serve God, and is working toward her goal of serving in ministry. One friend is so talented that it's intimidating and knows that music is in her future. One friend is the most amazing mom and wife, and I don't know how she has her sanity at the end of each day. One friend has become a priest, and knew from the age of 16 that this is what he was meant to do. I wonder how it is that when I am surrounded by people who are so goal oriented that I have somehow lost myself. So, I tend to propel myself into all of their lives, hoping to grasp the concept of direction from them.
I seriously don't understand how someone can go to college at age 18, and pick something to do for the rest of their lives. They haven't even done anything yet!! They haven't lived. They haven't been fired or had a job that they hated so much that they daydreamed of walking out on a meeting and never turning back. They haven't had to deal with office politics, pay raises, or 401K.
I understand the concept of "passion", how one can take the passion that they have for books or music or other cultures and direct themselves that way. But I don't understand how one can say for sure "yes, at the age of 19 or 20, I have decided that I want to be a professor of literature" or "I think that I am going to be a brain surgeon". Is society's expectations of us so different for this Generation Y (or whatever they are called) so different from the expectations that they had put on us Gen-Xers? Was it all of the grunge music and Starbucks that ruined us??
I just wanted to give props to all of you who know what the hell you are doing. I am in constant awe of you everyday. Even now, when I am pretty sure that I know what I want to do and where I want to go, I hesitate. I am waiting for God to give me that push in the right direction. I keep waiting to "hear" what He is saying to me.
We passed upon the stair
We spoke of was and when
Although I wasn't there
He said I was his friend
Which came as a surprise
I spoke into his eyes
I thought you died alone
A long long time ago
Oh no, not me
We never lost control
You're face to face
With The Man Who Sold The World
I laughed and shook his hand
And made my way back home
I searched for form and land
For years and years I roamed
I gazed a gazeless stare
At all the millions here
I must have died alone
A long, long time ago
Who knows?
Not me
We never lost control
You're face to face
With the Man who Sold the World
~Nirvana
FYI... I managed to use the letter "O" 255 times in this blog. So doing it without it would have really sucked.... make that 266!!!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
Hey Kerry,
I completely understand your point about going to college at 19 and having to choose what you're doing for the rest of your life. It's scary. You do have some time to figure out what you want to do, but the truth is that a lot of kids in college have no clue what the rest of their life will look like. Many just pick something they like/enjoy learning and run with it. And it's true that we haven't had the kind of life experiences you list, but college is the time for that, too. I see college as a big, transitional bubble.
My point with all this (I promise there is one) is that there isn't a handbook for understanding what your purpose is. The people around you who have it all figured out went through struggles to get where they are, too. Sure, for some people it's easier, but I like the struggle; it makes the outcome even sweeter. Right now, I only have what I'm majoring figured out. After graduation looks like a monstrous black hole that I have yet to shed much light on. I have an idea of what I want to do, but by no means am I positive of what my purpose in learning Arabic is.
So don't fret. God is going to use your openness and pursuit of Him in amazing ways. That's why they call patience a virtue: it's freaking difficult to have. :)
I hope your day is lovely!
when I was 18, I planned to be a church organist. When I was 21, I abandoned that for a plain business degree. When I was 24 in a job I hated, I decided to be an interior designer and started school. When I was 28, back at the same company I worked for at age 24, I decided to be a pastor. I imagine that my career path will continue to evolve.
Yes, I think picking your career at 18 is ridiculous and very likely to change. I think very few people anymore actually stay in the same career for 40 years. Pursue this dream now while you have it-then pursue the next dream!
ps-there's a lot to be said for letting life prepare you for a dream. I couldn't have pursued my dream of pastoring at age 20. I want to write, but I accept that I may need another decade of life before I write anything really beautiful.
When I was 12, I wanted to be an astronaut (because "SpaceCamp" came out that year). When I was 15 I wanted to be a set designer in New York. When I was 20, I wanted to be a carpenter. When I was 22, I wanted to get out of Connecticut. When I was 24, I wanted to get married to a guy who didn't want to marry me (wow, do you see a pattern here??). When I was 26, I ran away to Iowa and wanted to be a hobo. When I was 28 I wanted to be a chiropractor. When I was 30, I wanted to be a set designer again. When I was 32, I wanted to be a mom. When I was 33I wanted to be a wife. Now, at 34, I want to be happy... doing any of these things or something else. Waiting for the big nudge from an elbow of God.
Post a Comment