A New Name & New Face

I figured that it was time to change the name and face of my blog, since I have found the purpose of my spiritual journey. My journey of spiritual clarification has been clarified. I have found my way... and here I am paving the path to where I am meant to go. It's an exciting time in my life.

"Whenever you're sad, things aren't working out for you, look around, see if there's someone else in trouble, go and help them. And I promise you, I promise you, I promise you, your problems will be solved." ~Guru Gil

This week I have officially let the cat out of the bag in regards to my intention to leave the country next year. With the exception of work (because of office politics BS), I am letting everyone know my intention. Yesterday alone, I received two negative responses. Neither of these responses was a surprise to me. Today, however, made up for this. I have emailed a bunch of people to ask for support. A good friend from high school emailed me her support and said that she has a passion for the human trafficing cause. This made me feel so much better. I am getting mixed reactions from people. From complete and utter amazement at my 'bravery', to absolute disgust that I would take on the problems of another country instead of staying in the U.S. to help our own problems.

I admit that I am not a patriotic person. I actually despise patriotism. I think that because of this, I look at the problems of other countries as the world's problems. Not America's problems... not India's problems... not Ukraine's problems. OUR PROBLEMS. The world's problems are humanity's problems. It's closed-minded judgement, like this, that causes racism. This leads me to another reaction that I received. "You are going to live with the terrorists." This made me want to vomit.

I am trying to get past the naivete of others. My attempts to let these terrible things roll off of my back, is basically failing. I get super defensive. I want to lash out and correct the stupidity that oozes out of their mouths. It's exhausting.

Do not pay attention to every word people say, or you my hear your servant cursing you--for you know in your heart that many times you yourself have cursed others. ~Ecclesiastes 7:21-22

Side note: I have opened a savings account and made a plea to friends and family to collect gold to sell for my trip. So far, I've got nothing. I am keeping my hopes up.

A Bunch Of Random Stuff

The great people at Mission To Ukraine (MTU) asked me to help get donations to fill a trailer to send to Zhytomyr. They have given me until September of this year. After a second pilgrimage to MTU last July, I was honored to do whatever I could do to help support this amazing organization.

I had a year... a whole year. I badgered (lovingly) folks that I know to ask for donations after Christmas, when people are usually purging old stuff for new. I asked the folks who construct the "Journey" weekly email to put blurbs in occasionally regarding donations. I sent almost 30 letters to local churches, asking for donations... I feel that this last effort was a waste of time and money, as I sent these letters over 4 months ago and have yet to hear from one single church. (This is tremendously disappointing.) I feel kind of like a failure, in that I have only managed to acquire enough donations to fill almost 1/4 of my trailer.

I am being faced with several challenges lately. Donations for Ukraine is just one of these challenges. Above the normal financial and spiritual challenges, I am facing some challenges with folks that I know at work and church. I have been trying to put challenges with people on the back burner. Tonight I realized that I may not be able to put other peoples ignorances and comments aside any longer. I want to take the higher road... Act like the "grown-up" in these situations, but I am having a really hard time of this.

There was a time when I could lose my temper at the drop of a hat. I am happy to say that I have definitely done some growing in the past 5 or 6 years, and I have adopted the "I'm a lover, not a fighter" mentality.

Tonight someone challenged the morals of a friend of mine. Since she is a tough-ass, she held her own and made her point with grace. When I was challenged with a decision that I made for spiritual reasons, I was told that my reasoning was stupid. I further explained that my spiritual reason was also a personal mission of sacrifice... This was supposedly an okay excuse. This person is not someone that I consider a friend. Even further, this person challenges me on one thing or another as often as possible. I truly believe that this person gets some kind of twisted satisfaction out of upsetting me. This really hurts my feelings.

I realize that I can't be friends with everyone. I really don't find it necessary to be friends with everyone. I have come to discover that I can't possibly get along with everyone, and that's okay. I am totally okay with this fact. I just want to know that if we are not going to be friends, that we can be civil to each other and not treat each other like crap. Not challenge every single thing that comes out of the other's mouth. Treat each other with an iota of respect. I don't think that this is asking too much.

I hate my job. I mean, I really REALLY hate my job. I have been having dreams about quitting... the physical act of writing my resignation letter, handing it to my boss and watching him scurry over to my manger's office to complain about how he will have to train someone new to take my place. I have dreamt of packing my little copier paper box with the belongings that I have acquired over the past few years. I have thought of what to do with the giant plant that is on my desk, which was left for me when a prior co-worker left. I swore that I would take care of it, and I have kept my promise. I can actually picture my last day of work. I will either sleep in and not show up at all, or bring cupcakes. I haven't decided yet. I will probably bring cupcakes, because I don't want to disrespect my bosses by not showing up. It hasn't always been a bad place to work... it's actually not a bad place to work. I think that I am becoming more and more aware that my time at these jobs is coming to an end. This is great. I am developing a plan for the next few years of my life. Knowing what lies ahead for me, knowing that I get to "get out of Dodge", keeps me upbeat.

I have started to re-evaluate every single relationship that I have with every single person that I know. THIS is mentally and emotionally exhausting. I have spent the past 3 years of my life cleaning out my friendship closet. The folks that have only negative things to say, or the people who consistently make me feel bad about myself. This was one of the smartest things that I have ever done. I have become a stronger person for this. At first, I felt really bad about doing this. It didn't happen overnight. Last week, one of these people made an attempt to get back in with me. I am not sure of how I feel about this yet. I don't really know what to do with her. She and I have made plans to meet for dinner, which I will follow through with. But at the same time, I almost wish that I didn't have to meet with her.

Today, I asked my boss at my part time job if we could stop using products made by Nestle. I want to do my part to end the slave labor that tends to go hand-in-hand with Nestle products, especially chocolate. At first, my co-workers made light of the subject. I was then told that they didn't care about slave labor in other countries. I tried to explain that children were being forced into labor assignments for little pay and food, are often malnourished, beaten, or killed due to the aggressions of those in charge. These situations were compared to having a kid do chores. This made me physically ill, and I was very close to walking out on my job and never going back. The ignorance of Americans is amazing. I like to call it the Ostrich Theory. "If I can't see it, it doesn't exist."

They Took The Words Right Out Of My Mouth

"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." ~Edmund Burke


I am reading this really interesting book called Good News About Injustice, by Gary Haugen. In case you are not aware of who Gary Haugen is, he is the guy who founded International Justice Mission. I highly recommend that if you have any interest, whatsoever, in any kind of humanitarian acts that you check out the website http://www.ijm.org/. IJM does amazing work all over the world. I got into bed about 20 minutes ago, to read. This book talks about the different ways that Christians get involved with humanitarian activism. I read this passage, and hopped out of bed to blog it before the excitement wore off.

The battle for justice in the world is not fought where we think it is. The struggle against injustice is not fought on the battlefield of power or truth or even righteousness. There are pitched battles waged on these ramparts, but the war is ultimately won or lost on a more forward front. In the end the battle against oppression stands or falls on the battlefield of hope.

No one knows this better than the oppressors. They know that they never have enough power, lies or loyalty to withstand the onslaught of even a fraction of the power, truth, and courage that humanity could at any minute amass against them. Therefore they rely on, utterly depend on, the inaction of despair. They know full well that that their preeminence depends on most people in their community, their nation and their world doing nothing.

The oppressor knows that the primary reason we do nothing is because we have lost any hope of making a difference. It is not that we lack power, compassion, courage or knowledge. Rather, we lack a sense of hope that allows us to take what we have into the fray. By sheer inertia, therefore, we lend our own weight to the downward cycle of despair. Our lack of hope keeps us from the front lines of engagement. And our absence only makes the oppressor look stronger, compounding our despair and that of those who might otherwise be prepared to fight.

(Deep sigh) I am relieved to have found this in print somewhere, as these are the thoughts that I have kept in my head but have been unable to express. Oppression is everywhere. It lurks around every dark corner. It's a disease that seemingly has no cure. Humanitarian organizations all over the world are attempting to crush this despair that the world has built up. Good people, amazing people are making hardcore attempts everyday to seize, rescue, educate, and guide those left in despair. I am so proud to want to be one of these people... but at the same time, feel helpless in the place that I am. I so desperately want to be involved, to "save the world" as a good friend recently told me that I would be doing.

From Raleigh, North Carolina, I feel that there is not much that I can do except make others aware of what I am learning everyday. I hope that others find themselves as appalled as I do and want to get involved. There is so much to do. There are so many people that need our help. Look at what we have as Americans. Look at the luxuries that we have been given, just by chance. We could have easily been born in any other part of the world. We could have easily been born in India, and been sold to a brothel at the age of 8 or 10. We could have been born in Bengladesh, and have to worry about extreme poverty. We could have been born in the Sudan, and have to deal with consistent war.

We have everything. We have "the world" at our fingertips. Put yourself in the shoes of citizens of these countries. Realize how lucky you are. Ask God why He chose you to live in such amazing conditions. Thank Him for this privilege.