A Bunch Of Random Stuff

The great people at Mission To Ukraine (MTU) asked me to help get donations to fill a trailer to send to Zhytomyr. They have given me until September of this year. After a second pilgrimage to MTU last July, I was honored to do whatever I could do to help support this amazing organization.

I had a year... a whole year. I badgered (lovingly) folks that I know to ask for donations after Christmas, when people are usually purging old stuff for new. I asked the folks who construct the "Journey" weekly email to put blurbs in occasionally regarding donations. I sent almost 30 letters to local churches, asking for donations... I feel that this last effort was a waste of time and money, as I sent these letters over 4 months ago and have yet to hear from one single church. (This is tremendously disappointing.) I feel kind of like a failure, in that I have only managed to acquire enough donations to fill almost 1/4 of my trailer.

I am being faced with several challenges lately. Donations for Ukraine is just one of these challenges. Above the normal financial and spiritual challenges, I am facing some challenges with folks that I know at work and church. I have been trying to put challenges with people on the back burner. Tonight I realized that I may not be able to put other peoples ignorances and comments aside any longer. I want to take the higher road... Act like the "grown-up" in these situations, but I am having a really hard time of this.

There was a time when I could lose my temper at the drop of a hat. I am happy to say that I have definitely done some growing in the past 5 or 6 years, and I have adopted the "I'm a lover, not a fighter" mentality.

Tonight someone challenged the morals of a friend of mine. Since she is a tough-ass, she held her own and made her point with grace. When I was challenged with a decision that I made for spiritual reasons, I was told that my reasoning was stupid. I further explained that my spiritual reason was also a personal mission of sacrifice... This was supposedly an okay excuse. This person is not someone that I consider a friend. Even further, this person challenges me on one thing or another as often as possible. I truly believe that this person gets some kind of twisted satisfaction out of upsetting me. This really hurts my feelings.

I realize that I can't be friends with everyone. I really don't find it necessary to be friends with everyone. I have come to discover that I can't possibly get along with everyone, and that's okay. I am totally okay with this fact. I just want to know that if we are not going to be friends, that we can be civil to each other and not treat each other like crap. Not challenge every single thing that comes out of the other's mouth. Treat each other with an iota of respect. I don't think that this is asking too much.

I hate my job. I mean, I really REALLY hate my job. I have been having dreams about quitting... the physical act of writing my resignation letter, handing it to my boss and watching him scurry over to my manger's office to complain about how he will have to train someone new to take my place. I have dreamt of packing my little copier paper box with the belongings that I have acquired over the past few years. I have thought of what to do with the giant plant that is on my desk, which was left for me when a prior co-worker left. I swore that I would take care of it, and I have kept my promise. I can actually picture my last day of work. I will either sleep in and not show up at all, or bring cupcakes. I haven't decided yet. I will probably bring cupcakes, because I don't want to disrespect my bosses by not showing up. It hasn't always been a bad place to work... it's actually not a bad place to work. I think that I am becoming more and more aware that my time at these jobs is coming to an end. This is great. I am developing a plan for the next few years of my life. Knowing what lies ahead for me, knowing that I get to "get out of Dodge", keeps me upbeat.

I have started to re-evaluate every single relationship that I have with every single person that I know. THIS is mentally and emotionally exhausting. I have spent the past 3 years of my life cleaning out my friendship closet. The folks that have only negative things to say, or the people who consistently make me feel bad about myself. This was one of the smartest things that I have ever done. I have become a stronger person for this. At first, I felt really bad about doing this. It didn't happen overnight. Last week, one of these people made an attempt to get back in with me. I am not sure of how I feel about this yet. I don't really know what to do with her. She and I have made plans to meet for dinner, which I will follow through with. But at the same time, I almost wish that I didn't have to meet with her.

Today, I asked my boss at my part time job if we could stop using products made by Nestle. I want to do my part to end the slave labor that tends to go hand-in-hand with Nestle products, especially chocolate. At first, my co-workers made light of the subject. I was then told that they didn't care about slave labor in other countries. I tried to explain that children were being forced into labor assignments for little pay and food, are often malnourished, beaten, or killed due to the aggressions of those in charge. These situations were compared to having a kid do chores. This made me physically ill, and I was very close to walking out on my job and never going back. The ignorance of Americans is amazing. I like to call it the Ostrich Theory. "If I can't see it, it doesn't exist."

Friends are the Bacon Bits in the Salad Bowl of Life

I woke up in a super-mushy mood this morning. I must need a hug or something.

"A new friendship is like an unripened fruit - it may become either an orange or a lemon"~Emma Stacey

"The death of a friend is equivalent to the loss of a limb."~German Proverb

"Even if we never talk again after tonight, please remember that I am forever changed by who you are and what you meant to me"~Chasing Amy (movie)

"It is better to be in chains with friends , than to be in a garden with strangers."~Persian Proverb

"When you're standing at the crossroads And don't know which path to choose, Let me come along cause even if you're wrong I'll stand by you" ~The Pretenders

"Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from your friend's forehead."~Chinese Proverb

"I never had better friends than the friends I had when I was twelve. Jesus, does anyone?" ~Stand By Me (movie)

"Friends are the siblings God forgot to give us."~Unknown

Let me tell you about my work friend. When she came to work in my department (that I have since left), we got to be really good friends, really fast. It was kind of crazy. You know how everyone has that one friend (or in my case three) that they can be mean to, or call names, or basically abuse? This girl is/was one of those friends. We used to get together once a week for dinner, we would talk and laugh and cause trouble. It was so fun, and by far the highlight of my week. There was a time when we both let our guard down, and evil (yes, evil) came around and manipulated us. We were both mortified and humiliated, and basically gave each other about two years of space to recover from this.

It's been a long two years, but not that long. She has since gotten married to this really great guy and had a beautiful baby girl. I had been in a really great relationship, and have found the path that God wants me to take. It's kind of amazing what kind of growth a person experiences in two years. We have reconnected recently. And I find myself in awe of what an amazing woman she has become. She has gone from an angry, frustrated girl to a strong, loving woman who is determined that she is going to have a good life for herself and her daughter. I really admire this about her.

Side note: It's funny how you see the people around you achieving things that you thought you once wanted... I wonder if I would do marriage and kids with this much grace. I have a hard time sitting still, and I am not sure that I wouldn't get bored. Of course, marriage and kids are what I wanted when I thought that I was going to be in a relationship where marriage and kids were inevitable. Now... eh.

Another good friend of mine is moving away tomorrow. She got this really great job, and I don't think that I realized how much I was going to miss her until we started making dinner plans for tonight.

Anyhow, I just wanted to give thanks for my friends today... new and old. You guys have been there for me a lot in the past few months. I wanted you to know that I love you, and that I thank God for you everyday.