No Bing Bing Without the Ring Ring

As for the Gentile believers, we have written to them our decision that they should abstain from food sacrificed to idols, from blood, from the meat of strangled animals and from sexual immorality.~Acts 21:25

I have given up meat from strangled animals, or anything that has bled. I pretty confident that I haven't sacrificed anything to any idol of any kind. But I am definitely guilty of this last offense.

I have a huge amount of respect for those who have chosen to abstain from sex until marriage. I didn't realize how amazing of a decision that this was until very recently, when I made a confession of my "sins" to my friends. I was always under the "do what you want to do" influence, which looking back is a pretty selfish way to live. Abstinence, as a way of life, would have ever been a glimmer of thought for me. Maybe it's because I am a child of the 80's, who happened to grow up in a very VERY liberal setting (town, not family). Maybe it's because we didn't come from the most stable home life. Maybe it's because we didn't live our lives for God. Maybe it's because my brain simply doesn't work that way. It could be any of these, or all of them.

It amazes me how younger people (younger than mid-twenties) are able to make such a decision so gracefully and with such determination and still have inside jokes about it. I wish that I had their strength of character when I was their ages. I have been thinking about this, on and off, for some time now. As I have become pretty tight with the younger adults at Evergreen, I recently found myself in a situation where I was surrounded by a bunch of folks who had chosen to abstain until marriage, and were very open about their decision. I thought that this was really cool (and admit that at one time I would have thought that this was just crazy-talk). Then I realized that I was the only one in the group who had had sex before. I thought to myself, "aww, that kind of sucks". I love that these guys have this bond with each other and are really open about it.

I remember getting on the school bus in afternoon when I was in middle school. At this time we had two schools sharing a buses. I got on the very full bus one afternoon, and the only seat was in the first few rows. Someone yelled, "the first ten rows of the bus is full of virgins!!" I was like, "uh yeah, I'm in seventh grade". Did they think that a bus full of seventh and eighth graders wouldn't be full of virgins?

I would be happy to share the story of the "loss" of my virginity, but not in this blog. (It's like I put it down somewhere and managed to lose it like my keys or something.) You can email me or whatever, but I am not putting the humiliation of that event on display for the world. I will say this... it was bad, it was unpleasant, it was random, it was a mistake. AND, I didn't have sex again until 5 years or so later.

If we stick with the logic that you shouldn't have sex until you are in love (I am choosing to leave out marriage for this discussion)... Theoretically, I should have lost my virginity at 27. I am pretty sure that I didn't even know what love was until then. And the only reason that I knew was because he completely broke my heart. I had been in relationships before that had come 'undone' and found it easy to get over them fairly quickly. This one tore my heart out. (He is now happily married to a really nice woman, and I am happy for him.)



It's playing on my mind
It's dancing on my soul
It's taken so much time
So why don't you just let me go
I'd really like to try
Oh I'd really love to know
When you tell me you're gonna regret it
Then I tell you that I love you but you still say no!
~George Michael



I have found myself delving into the world of sacrifice more and more. Perhaps because I feel that I have been selfish, and that this might bring me closer to God. Or maybe I am just preparing myself for live abroad, where I won't have luxuries or hot running water. Keep in mind, I'm not making any promises here... I have decided that I am ABSOLUTELY (fairly sure) that I do not want to have sex again until I am in a loving relationship. So, yeah. Here is the cheesiness of it all. God and I reunited a few years back, and I still had Him on the back burner. I don't "need" sex the way that I thought that I needed it. I need to know that God loves me. (although a date would be nice)